If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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