I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize