Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
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hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
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She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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