Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
