You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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