Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
