He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
