I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
sex in a hospital.. check
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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