It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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