You're my little dorito
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
