my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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