Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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