Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
