you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
