so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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