Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
