That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
and you fell through a lawn chair
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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