It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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