Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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