Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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