she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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