i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
