Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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