I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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