you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Congratulations! We have a period
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
