last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
