Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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