so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
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If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
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Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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