there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
