I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
