guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
