Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
sarcasm needs its own font
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
