you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
