Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
