I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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