Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
