So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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