if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
