"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I AM VODKA MAN
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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