wat bout pragnant strippers??
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
where does the pee come out of this thing
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
