My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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