At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize