is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We just shotgunned beers for America
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
