My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
