it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you traded sex for a burrito?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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