he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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