Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.