I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.