I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
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Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
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I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.