I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.