I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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