she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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