she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
