My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
