After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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