Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
