He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's blow job season.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
