I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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