I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Randomize
