Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
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I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
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Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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