I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
