Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
