I'm laying in your front yard are you home
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
