My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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