you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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