New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
