1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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