I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
